A friend who needs help, looking for a husband. Let me introduce you to Alycia Steven.
Born 16 years ago, with a rare animal disorder, dubbed infamously as Catoglasasia, young Alycia was often times shunned away by most children her age due to her cat-like upper face and screeching voice.
However, her butt ugly appearance did nothing to deter her upbeat personality and her long dream to find, a good Indian husband. Therefore, 16 years, 30 operations, 400 skin specialist visits and about a thousand different skin creams later, we have a somewhat better looking Alycia, more female, less feline.
I, was touched by this little girl's dream, that spark and that hope to find a life partner, that I willingly sacrificed my humor and got down to blog about this serious issue. Just to point out, Alycia no longer pees on carpets and licks herself, so any interested candidates to become her husband, should not worry about petty issues of such.
With that I end this segment of the post, leaving you with a contact number ( 1800-11-Indian-Cat-Matrimony ) to help this poor charity case. In support of all faceless catheads <3
ME-WOW.
Okay so all that drama aside, I have my own dramas ruining my life. And please don't expect me to break down here and cry about how my boyfriend and I aren't what we used to be, and how that spark we had is gone and how my boyfriend has weird girls texting him pictures of their toes.
Nuh-uh sizta. I'm too sexy and awesome to have a boyfriend.
Translation : FOREVER ALONE.
Moving on, the main drama in my life is probably drama itself. To put it simply, I have a maid. I have a maid who watches dramas. I have a maid who watches Indian dramas. I have a bloody maid who watches Indian dramas all alone the whole night. I have a bloody maid who watches Indian dramas all alone the whole night ALTHOUGH SHE DOESN'T GET A WORD OF IT.
See? And you actually thought boyfriend issues are more important than this? Pfft, shame on you.
Right, if you aren't Indian, or you are Indian with no drama influence at home, I suggest you give yourself a BIG pat on the back. You have just saved yourself 5 hours of torture. Whaaaat the poop is this nonsense Indian drama I'm talking all about you may wonder? I don't blame you, you have to see it to believe it.
An Indian drama's plot basically revolves around 3 things. The main actress, her mother-in-law and her sari collection.
The creator of the first ever drama.
Status : Not yet assassinated.
This may seem like something you could finish watching in 30 seconds. HA-HA IN YOUR FACE, an average Indian drama's lifespan is approximately 3-4 years. And each episode is about 15 minutes long, minus the Indian murukku flour advertisements and the super boom song at the beginning. So you do your own math.
Ladies and gentlemen, imagine spending your entire teen life hearing the wails of women from the tv instead of jammin' to Dancing With The Stars. And I would whole-heartedly accept it, if my mother or aunty or lord forbid, my father was the one watching these ridiculous dramas.
BUT MY MAID. -.-
Thank you for lending your poor bleeding ears. I love you people.
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